I took my first dose of Provigil today.
I’m not sure I loved it. I felt kind of tingly and buzzy all day. Of course, I sort of forgot to eat much and I had a giant coffee so that might not have helped. I forced myself to eat a little turkey sandwich. Then I went to Gina’s for dinner.
Here’s what my brain is like on Provigil…I’m talking or thinking about one thing one minute, then I’m on a completely different track the next. I have hard time maintaining my focus and train of thought. My legs felt kind of shaky. Shakier? I don’t know. Just funny. Though it is 8:53PM and I am still awake and alert. I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep? I took it today because I don’t have to work tomorrow so if I don’t sleep, it won’t be a disaster. Also, I wanted to know how I would react to it before I take it for my new business trip later in the week. I leave on Sunday morning for an overnight back to Charlotte for a pitch meeting on Monday. If I’m going to be all jumpy and crazy, I kind of want to know before I’m jumpy and crazy in front of potential clients.
But I guess the upside is, it does indeed give me more energy. Maybe it’s worth the $10/pill I have to pay for it. I probably won’t have to take if every day – maybe even every other would be ok. Or maybe I’ll just take it when I need it. Like when I have to travel. Or when I want to have a night out (god…remember nights out? I almost don’t).
I kind of miss people. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Ninety percent of the time I’m perfectly happy without people. I am happy at home, watching TV or reading and just being. But I haven’t had a social activity outside of work in ages. I just haven’t had the energy or desire. So if this crazy drug can give me the energy to be more social and, well, alive then maybe it’s worth it to feel a little buzzy.
I guess we shall see.