I don’t know why I’m so hesitant to write this down.
Well. I guess I actually do. It’s the whole curse of “loving my life out loud” that has haunted me for time eternal. But here’s the thing. I think I’m feeling better.
Now this could be the result of many things. My iron supplement might be kicking in helping get that whole anemia thing under control. Or, I am a week into my healthy eating focus where I’m easing into Wahls-esque patterns. It could be the iodine supplement I started taking around the same time. Or it could be magical infusion number 5. Maybe the Tysabri is finally kicking in.
I don’t feel like the old me. Don’t get me wrong. I still have wobbly legs. I still have the weakness. I still feel fatigued. I just don’t feel those things nearly as badly as I did a week ago. I find myself able to concentrate notably better as I read my George Washington biography. Notably better.
I feel notably better.
Now this could also be some psychological bullshit wherein my mind is tricking my brain into thinking I feel better because I’m doing all of these things that are supposed to be good for me lately. Maybe I’m psyching myself into thinking that I should be feeling better – so I am. Maybe it won’t last. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be back to Frankenlegs and wanting to sleep all day.
Maybe I’m afraid to hope that I won’t be.
Here’s what they tell me, “they” being those who have had this damn disease much longer than me and who’ve been sitting in that infusion room for double digit days – some more like triple digits. Hell. Some of them are in the years of infusions territory. They tell me it always changes. Things come and go. One day you feel this – the next day you feel that. Even the goddamn atmospheric pressure, air temperature and dew point effect how this disease behaves – or doesn’t behave. This whole feeling quasi-human thing could be a total fluke. It could just be a blip. It could just be a good day against so very many, many bad days that it feels better than it really is because it’s been so rare.
Like I said. I’m not going to be running any marathons tomorrow or wearing some 4″ wedge sandals or anything nutty like that. But I don’t feel like shit on a shingle either.