Learning the difference between feeling like I can do things and actually doing them and feeling the after effects is my current situation.
Provigil makes me FEEL like I can do anything. So I try. Like today, for example. I did a few outdoor chores that involved dragging my old lady wagon (that’s not a euphemism I really do have a wagon) back and forth to the garage. I wanted to put my spring porch furniture away. And decorate for Halloween! So I did that. Pretty simple stuff. I am feeling Provigil-perfect so in my head I can do anything.
Then I have to sit in my car for ten minutes (writing this post) while my legs stop shaking and until I can walk more at the Target. I guess it’s more learning for me. Learning the balancing act of what’s real and what’s drug-fueled nonsense.
The truth though is that it feels better to feel like I can be back to my old self. Even if my old self is long gone. The mental drag of feeling like a lethargic lump of crap all of the time is for real. Not having that is good enough for me.
I’ll just learn when to stop. And sit. And write a bit.