I almost hesitate to say this out loud (or in writing, which is the same thing, really, maybe even worse)…but I’ve been feeling a little better these last few days. Not “jump out of bed and run a marathon” better. Not “these boots are made for walking” better. Nothing quite like that.
Just not quite so bad, better. I took a shower yesterday. I didn’t feel like I was going to perish. I didn’t have to take a nap after my shower. Also, I woke up several days in a row without the aid of an alarm while it was actually still morning. I was on “vacation” from work last week so I had the luxury of not setting an alarm. Even so, I found myself awake and quasi-mobile well before noon. Imagine! Also, I noticed last week that I haven’t been eating Ibruprofen like skittles.
Strange things are afoot.
Do you know what happens when you’ve felt like utter excrement for so long and you start to feel even a teeny tiny bit better? You want to do ALL OF THE THINGS. ALL. OF. THE. THINGS. Every last one of the things. But then you remember that you’re a member of MS Club.
The Most Important Rule of MS Club is you need to never forget that you’re in MS Club.
This means something pretty simple. Definitely do NOT give in to the urge to believe you can suddenly do all of the things. And for the love of god, don’t try to do even two of the things at the same time on the same day. Just ease on into the whole not feeling like death warmed over thing and take it slow. Very, very slowly. Do not push yourself to pre-MS levels of expectation thinking some crazy ass miracle has occurred.
Just pump your brakes and take it slow.
Go to bed early after a long day in the office (I wore makeup and clothing and walked to and from my office without falling and omg it was awesome).
Do not stay up late writing all of the blog posts that have been swimming around in your broken brain for days now. Just jot down some ideas so you don’t forget what they were and then GO TO SLEEP. You need to work again tomorrow.
In that spirit, following are some of the blog posts I want to write but will not write on this night because I am a responsible adult with Multiple Sclerosis. Consider it a kind of “coming attractions” preview:
– Is it MS? Or is it middle age? An exploration of the age old answers to the burning question: what is really happening to me?!?
– Not all Flat Shoes are Created Equal: an exhaustive treatise on why flat black sandals can be almost as bad as four inch heels.
– How many days can one stay inside one’s home with the air set at 64 degrees before one is officially considered a shut in?
– Cane/hiking poles/rollator…which MS mobility aid will I be least likely to injure myself using and how does one decide?
– When your doctor cancels your appointment without explanation is it ok to send them a bill for your pain and suffering? And other MS Specialist dilemmas.
– What does “feeling better” really mean? Better than what? An existential debate.
– Witty replies to the question, “how are you?” That are not instant conversation killers.
…these and many more intriguing topics will be explored in future episodes of bethybrightanddark.com.
But they will not be written on this night. On this night I’m going to allow myself to read one chapter of my book before I close my eyes. I’m going to attempt to get a good solid eight to ten hours of sleep. Then I’m going to try to wake up tomorrow, put on suitable outdoor appropriate clothing, drive to my office downtown and attempt to do it all over again. Two days in a row!
Ideally, I will accomplish all of this while also making a better shoe choice than I made today. It’s gonna be awesome.