Here’s the thing about putting all your business on the Internet (as my mother calls what I do)…it means when bad things happen you feel compelled to share the news even when you’re not quite ready to talk about the news. This is one of those times.
I’ve agonized over this and I’m still agonizing over it this morning but someone said something to me yesterday that kind of hit me hard and that was something to the effect of, “You feel ashamed and embarrassed by all of this but you don’t realize how much what you do helps so many people. Write about it when you’re ready. It’s important.” I don’t know about all of that “important” business really. But I do feel like this sharing is a part of taking the first step toward a new way of thinking, a critical part of healing myself and I’m not talking about healing myself of MS. We all know how that particular bitch rolls.
So about that trip to Cleveland yesterday.
I didn’t get great news. I’m a bit stymied over why I had to drive to another city to receive news that I’m guessing is going to be no big shock to most of you who know even a little bit about MS and how that bitch rolls and what my personal experience has been with my disease. I think I had figured this out for myself before I even saw The Great Scott the first time. I’ve got Cheryl, my therapist, to back me up because I’m quite sure before I was officially diagnosed by an actual doctor, I had diagnosed myself with the assistance of Dr. Google. I thought I was being dramatic when I announced to Cheryl back then how it was obvious to me that I either had ALS or MS, “…if it’s MS I’m pretty sure it’s the bad kind. I mean it all adds up.”
We can dissect together the hilarious ignorance of me acting like there was any kind of MS that was good at another time.
Dr. Mary Willis and her team were awesome. I could tell she was my kind of girl when she very quickly looked me in the face, after reading my meticulously prepared timeline of the last three years of my life since diagnosis and asking me a few pointed questions and said, “You have progressive MS.”
We talked at length and she helped me understand how my spinal cord looks pretty much like the fancy Swiss cheese with the very many little tiny holes? I forget what that particular cheese is called but it’s exactly what my spinal cord looks like. We looked at “slices” of my spinal cord from cervical to thoracic to lumbar and the Swiss cheese effect is clearly undeniable and extensive.
“With this kind of damage, it’s rather remarkable that you were diagnosed so late in life, that you’d never had symptoms earlier that would indicate this path,” she said. My Swiss cheese spinal cord explains why my symptoms are so centrally located in my lower body. “There is no fixing this kind of damage, at least not today,” she said. “The path you’re on with your physiatrist and your neurology team’s plan is the right one. We need to keep you moving and figure out how to get you stronger in the face of this reality. You’re still walking. We want to keep you walking for as long as possible. And your team will help you work through the additional mobility aids you may decide you need to get you back into your life. It’s not an either or. Either a chair or walking. It’s both and they will help you figure that out.”
There was really good news in this conversation that I’ve tended to gloss over in my mind in the less than 24 hours since I received all of this information and the big story there is my big beautiful brain.
My brain, Dr. Willis explained, is kind of a thing of beauty. There is no atrophy. My brain looks young (I remember TGS telling me this once too). I have only two tiny lesions on my brain in areas that are less critical to important functions. I basically have a clean brain for lack of a better way to put it. In order to keep it that way, she wants me to finish Round 2 of Lemtrada later this year.
After that, this game plan changes. I will shift toward working with the Magical Swan (the unicorn who is my new physiatrist) on things like strengthening my body in slow, gentle ways; managing and optimizing my medication approach (the Botox is going to help get me off of the muscle relaxers which will help lots of things). And of course, adding some mobility aids to my arsenal of expensive gadgets to help me get back to living my life.
Writing it out like that makes it all sound so neat and tidy. It doesn’t feel like either of those things. This feels like a long, scary, dark and twisty road right now. I’m sure it won’t feel that way forever. It definitely feels that way now.
I haven’t spent much time learning about Progressive MS primarily because it’s hard to be in denial and research mode at the same time. I know this isn’t a death sentence. It feels like the end of something, though, and maybe it’s the end of fighting this truth so blindly. Maybe it’s the end of my old life or maybe it’s the beginning of a new life. Maybe it’s some combination of the two? I can’t quite get to sunshine and unicorns in my mind just yet but I’m sure there will be some peace that eventually breaks through the brick wall of my utter anguish. I know I won’t always feel this way.
In the “obnoxiously unable to give up” column, there’s the undeniable persistence of hope somewhere way down deep in the dark where Bethy Dark lives. Maybe that hope comes from the simple truth that for this phase of my MS, I am 100% in charge. There’s no more waiting for someone to save me. There are no more aggressive therapies to try (at least for now). I may even have had my last dose of high dose Prednisone! Now there’s a metallic glittery silver lining.
There’s just me left with a big problem to solve. And I’ve chosen some really brilliant partners to help me solve it when my own big beautiful brain comes up against a brick wall. And I have the most amazing family in the world. And awesome friends. And all of you! You guys just get it and I cannot describe how important that is.
I’ve solved really difficult problems for thirty years in my career for a lot less lofty reasons. This is about saving my own life. This is about deciding how I want to live and creating that reality. I am shook and terrified by the enormity of this particular challenge. I’m just me! What if I can’t do it?
But what if I can?
I’m probably going to cry a lot for the next several days while I try to absorb all of this. I’m actually going to give myself as much time as I need to do that. But while I’m doing that I will also try not to lose sight of the fact that I’ve been solving big hairy ugly problems for a very long time for a very many clients. This is just another client! So what if she’s me. I’ve dealt with worse. I can assure you of that.
Anneen
May 22, 2019 11:41 amSorry you know have the official label now. But it doesn’t really change who you were last week. You’re still you. With a big beautiful brain.
Now to create a plan to function in your new life. I’m sure you can make a whole presentation for that! 😉
Sharing your journey helps others. It’s a good thing. Look how Selma’s Instagram is teaching people about MS!
Hang in there. We are all here for you to rant and bitch. 🤗
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 22, 2019 9:05 pmThat’s how I’m trying to think about it. It’s going to be a bit of a mental adjustment. But I feel like I’m finally able to move forward. It’s not the news I wanted. But it’s news. 💕
Ruth
May 22, 2019 12:25 pmYou sound so much more…peaceful and in control.
Sending love xxxx
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 22, 2019 9:08 pmSometimes I think having an answer is better for me, even if it’s not the answer I wanted. I felt like I was stuck. I’m not happy about this – not one bit – but I feel like I know what to do now. Strange. 🙂
Annie82
May 22, 2019 1:24 pmGreat post! Wow – MS manifests in so many different ways…and the emotions are so similar. I think one of the hardest things is adapting to our new realities and finding what we are now grateful for. For example, you have your big beautiful brain and your powerful problem-solving skills. I’m grateful for the gift of time, family and friends and a sweet little pup who loves coming everywhere with me.
Please keep sharing. You’re an inspiration!
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 22, 2019 9:09 pmThat kind of perspective is so important. And helpful. And thank you for such kind words. ❤️
Debbie
May 22, 2019 1:26 pmWhile I don’t have MS and cannot begin to imagine what you are dealing with in this diagnosis, I have CRPS which has me facing the overwhelming decision of disability, leaving a job I am passionate about, and facing realities. I grieve for the ole me prior to CRPS (who alone had enough problems, etc.). Your posts have helped me so much to put one foot in front of the other, drag the cane along, and advocate for myself. Your writing is powerful. Your fortitude is inspirational. Please don’t stop this blog for as long as you are able. You are HELPING SO MANY OF US WHO HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT GIVING UP!
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 22, 2019 9:11 pmWow Debbie. That is super nice of you and it means a ton to me. Sometimes I feel so selfish for writing this blog because it helps me more than it could ever help someone else. But thank you for helping me see it another way. ❤️
Amy Ropple
May 22, 2019 5:22 pmYou CAN DO IT. Excellent piece. Sorry you are going through this, of course…but your attitude and ability to write about it is so, so good. Do it all!
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 22, 2019 9:12 pmThanks Amy. I’m sure going to try to do my best to do as much as possible. 😉
Anne Jenkins
May 23, 2019 3:39 amHi there, that’s rubbish news and I know how hard it is to get that diagnosis. I was diagnosed with PPMS a year ago, and oh my god it hit me for six. None of the MS stuff seemed to apply to me. But, a year later, it’s okay. I realised that nothing had actually changed, I had PPMS for a lot longer I just knew what it was. And it’s the same for you – you’ve been struggling with progressive MS and not known, but now you do and you can put strategies in place that are specific for this. Your writing is amazing and your strength shines through. You’ve got this, but remember – nothing has changed between last week and this week except now you know what you’re dealing with, and knowledge is power.
Hang in there!!!
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 23, 2019 6:50 pmI really needed this Anne. I am so unmoored by this new information. I feel…adrift. I’ve had my hopes set for so long on that glorious day when I would finally feel like myself again it’s hard to imagine that might never happen now. This is it! I know you’re right. I read the words and I nod my head. I just feel so sad. It will sink in and this will pass. I hope so anyway? But thank you for your perspective. I don’t have many friends or know too many folks with PPMS. I feel like I have so much to learn. It’s a bit daunting. But thank you. Seriously. I needed this. 💕
Anne
May 24, 2019 11:47 amHi Beth, I felt so so so sad about being diagnosed with PPMS, so I do understand where you are right now. But it goes change, and here’s the thing – please ignore if this is not helpful! – you can create a narrative that you can live with:
– when I was diagnosed, I was desperate to have any treatment at all, even if I didn’t have RRMS, but my neuro said no, the treatments are hardline and they would make my body worse and would still have no effect. I wonder if your body has taken such a knock because your neuros have been hitting it hard for a couple of years with treatments that do not work and have actually made things worse. I think that they have knocked you off course and actually you can get back to where you were. I think your body will start to recover a little bit now you know what you are dealing with.
– you said that you have loads of lesions on your spine; same here. The way I look at it is that I have had PPMS creeping up without me realising for more than a decade or two, and it’s the same for you. If progression was slow before, imperceptibly slow, it can be slow again, there is no reason for it to speed up now. I find that comforting and is my mantra.
– I’m like you, no lesions on my brain, all on my spine. I’ll take that, it means cognitively there is no change and I am still holding down a full time ‘intellectual’ job. That’s a huge positive!
– once you get your mojo back, PPMS should be more predictable. That’s a huge selling point, because you can deal with it.
– don’t read too many blogs online about PPMS, it’s bleak. I’ve never met anyone quite like me yet, with PPMS and holding down a full time job and getting married, but also slowly losing mobility but not my cognitive functions. I found researching PPMS ultimately very depressing so I decided to focus on me and what I can do.
Ah, I feel so badly for you – I’m 50 and got my diagnosis a year ago, it’s absolutely rubbish and lonely because there are not many people around with PPMS. I wanted someone to tell me that it’s okay, it’s not a death sentence, that it’s going to be okay, so that’s why I’m telling you this – it really is okay. Not great, but not as bad as you might think it is right now. It will be okay.
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 24, 2019 1:30 pmI wish there were adequate words to express how much this means to me. You nailed it. ALL of it. All of what I’m feeling, wondering, obsessing about. I keep wondering what’s possible to “get back” with work and PT and taking care of my body instead of pounding the living shit out of it. You did what I didn’t think was possible. You answered the questions I didn’t know to ask and you somehow left me feeling (dare I say it) hopeful. The googling and reading I’ve done so far has been exactly what you describe. I somehow have a few fellow PPMS’ers in my circle that I didn’t even realize I had and those folks have come through for me. Sometimes I wonder if doing this, putting it all out there, isn’t becoming a bit much. Not only for me but for readers too. I mean who wants to read all of this mess!? But it I didn’t do this I might have never found you (or so many others) who have quite literally become my lifeline. Especially now. I wish I could repay you for this wisdom I needed so so badly. There aren’t adequate words of thanks. 💕
Sandra Schneider
May 23, 2019 4:18 pmI’m with your original statement. There is a better kind of MS: Relapsing-Remitting. You get your life back between relapses and you can live in a state of denial. And, knowing subjectively that you have progressive MS and being told objectively by a very accomplished medical expert while being shown in literal black and white an MRI what’s happening on your insides are two different things. Having a brain that is still pristine from disease (and is likely to stay healthy) is awesome.There is no real redundancy in the spine (unlike the brain) and those lesions usually are not silent. The fact that you likely lived with significant spinal lesions for years and years is pretty much unheard of…So, it seems that like you, your body is a tremendous overachiever. But, there’s no way of sugar coating this- it just sucks and I’m sorry the absolute fabric of your life has been so violently altered. I do believe you will create a new, very worthwhile, 2.0 mosaic out of your life.
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 23, 2019 6:27 pmThanks for such an eloquent way to put this into perspective. I’m struggling. I suppose I’ll be struggling for a while now. Thanks for reading! 💕
Mermaidylady
May 25, 2019 3:12 pmThanks beautiful soul Bethy and super extraordinary Sandra- ✨
that all was wonderful to read . I honestly feel better for reading your exchange- thank you
i I too have #SuperMazeballsMagicandSparkle.com. (SPMS) it has not only munched my spinal cord, but also had a good munch at my brain, including my cerebellum (the control panel of yer brain ). I So thank the Lord, God, Mary, baby Jesus; (and the little donkey that took them to Bethlehem) that you brain Is unscathed 🎉
I live in a cognitive cloud that prevents so much normal living, (like being able to think straight for more than 30% of a day). I always said I would cope with the loss of physical function, if my mental clarity stayed intact. And I did for six years – but now my brain has joined in; I’m a scooter using,gibbering, shaking,pissing idiot – with the simplest of tasks being energy draining and exhausting (like this email even)I’m embarrassed to be about people and I don’t even like my children seeing me like this. I’m 45.
Knowledge is power in all conundrums (Drs and dr google has no definitive answers (SPs seem to get written off ) for me as to why I feel like I have now have secondary progressive and also fibromyalgia, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s,Dementia, ALS ….there’s scant relief)
It’s er challenging.
But u can’t beat somebody who won’t give up(I regularly mutter to myself sarcastically)
If I can live alone in a two storey house still, with no family; then u my fellow superior warrior; you so can ; repeat after me I CAN SO DO THIS
As we say here in liverpool
✨You can’t polish a turd – but you can roll it in glitter ✨
Heartfelt love 💖
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 26, 2019 10:57 pmI love this so much. I’m also sending you as much good mojo as I have in me. Challenging doesn’t even begin to describe what this feels like for me or for you but I’m gonna go look for a giant cat of glitter. 💕
Kristin Hardy
May 25, 2019 5:14 pmBeth! So sorry to hear your news. Cleveland Clinic Doc gives you the bad word and is going to charge money for it? Now, really, that’s just plain mean! That said, you are strong, you are smart, and you are tenacious. Perhaps just as important, you have a brilliantly snarky sense of humor. All of this will stand you in good stead.
For what it’s worth, I’ve had PPMS (or possibly PRMS) for 17 years. I still have a thriving technology writing business that engages me, and many of my clients don’t even know I have the disease. It’s true that I spend most of my time in a fancy ass wheelchair, but I’m also able to get up out of the chair for several hours a day. It’s not because I have a light version of PPMS – my disease rolls along with occasional sprints thrown in just to keep things interesting. I’ve made it my business — perhaps a tad bit obsessively — to figure out what works for me. It’s not hard to stay motivated, given that skipping even a couple of days starts me going backward.
Oh, and I have only ever in all that time had two lesions (Mutt & Jeff) in my brain and none at all on my spine, at least none that can be imaged with current technology. Although lesions intuitively seem related to damage, studies have shown little correlation – one paper described cohorts of patients with no new lesions but tons of symptoms and others with no disease progression despite brains being lit up like pinball machines. PPMS rewrites the rules. Worry about your function and find ways to address it.
PPMS is a nasty hang but there are things you can do that may give you incremental improvement. You’ll learn them from me and from others in the community. You’ll discover others on your own or from your medical team. The point is, you’ll figure it out. You’ll have a life outside of the disease and a community within it that stands ready to support you. So, big hugs, babycakes. We are all here with you.
bethnigro0212@gmail.com
May 26, 2019 11:03 pmGeez. I honestly don’t know how I got so unlucky and lucky at the very same time! The wisdom coming my way since writing this post is overwhelming to me in the best way possible. I’ve longed for stories to put my arms around that aren’t just so much sad tragedy. And you (all of you) have delivered and then some. Thank you for sharing your experience with me! I need as many as I can get. TGS would be so thrilled to hear you talk about the correlation or lack thereof between lesions and symptoms. He talks about that a lot. It used to frustrate the shit out of me. Now I feel sort of bad for him. It must suck to have to give someone this kind of news. I think it sucked so bad he sent me to Cleveland to avoid telling me himself. 😂 but I’ll probably forgive him for that too. I plan to obsessively figure out what works for me, too. Thanks for the powerful words. I’m grateful! ❤️