It really is all a matter of perspective

“I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. Yes, MS does change everything, but nearly everything was going to change anyway. Maybe it’s different change — it’s definitely more and faster change — but if we change with it, rather than only being affected by the change, perhaps we can reduce some of the trauma to the soul.”

Nearly everything was going to change anyway.

Nearly everything was going to change anyway.

NEARLY EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO CHANGE ANYWAY.

I should know this. I should be a friggin’ expert at this by now and I am disappointed in myself that apparently I am not. I lived an entire decade of my life learning the simple truth that what I expected and what I planned for was really all just a bunch of…delusion. Self delusion that we all do to ourselves because believing there is truly nothing in life that you can plan for, count on, believe in – well. That’s a hard way to live. So we typically don’t live that way. Unless something happens that forces you to accept that chaos and change are really the only things in life you can count on.

Then time goes on. And normal returns. And you forget! You fall into routines even when you’re not aware that you’re falling into routines. You have patterns. Comforts. You start making plans in your head again about what life is going to be like in this part of your adventure. You look around and you’re almost 50 and you love your life and you start to make plans – not big ones. Just little assumptions that feel pretty damn safe. Like acknowledging that you actually love living alone. Like realizing that the mess you thought was your career somehow turned into something pretty damn good in spite of all of the crazy. Like making lists of places in your head that you’d like to go if only you actually enjoyed leaving home.

Then it changes and you feel all adrift again. What if you can’t? What if you don’t? What if those things you quasi-planned can’t happen anymore…

But the thing you don’t realize is – those things were always never guaranteed. Things are changing right in front of you every second of every day – even if you can’t see them.

I got comfortable with that at one point in my life. I have to get comfortable with it again.

It was always going to change. Always.
I just forgot.

I have to change with it to reduce the trauma to my soul. I wish I could remember how I did that.

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