Hospital stays really throw me for a loop. This latest one kept me away from home for way too long. I guess when one breaks both legs that’s to be expected but expected or not it’s too much for my brain to deal with. I’m finally home and yet I still feel away in my head. I’m having a hard time adjusting to being home, not surrounded by health care professionals, surrounded by one or the other of my two caregivers neither of whom is a certified medical professional. Just two part-time workers who bring their own baggage to the job of taking care of me day-to-day. It’s a lot for them and for me but here we are. Working together toward the healing of two broken legs.

I love being back behind the computer screen where I can keep my brain nimble with NYT’s crosswords and playing other NYT daily word games but I’m also antsy to be back to pre-leg-break body functionality – not that my body functionality is ever anything to get very excited about (thanks MS) but toss in a major bone break and the whole body goes to hell even worse than is typical. My legs are the least of my problems to be honest! Isn’t that crazy? My left leg remains wrapped and bandaged to cover the various staples and sutures that resulted from the surgery. The doctors decided to let my fractured right heel heal on it’s own so it’s not wrapped since there are no sutures to protect. I’m managing the swelling with compression socks and daily elevation. On Monday (today is Thursday) I go see the surgeon who did the surgery to see how healing is going. I think they also do some X-rays to actually see how things are progressing as well as removing the various stitches and staples that are preventing me from getting my whole body wet – so it’s been quite a long time since my last proper shower. My legs allow me to bear enough weight to use my sit-to-stand lift which has been my goal all along. I keep things realistic up in here. MS taught me all about tempered expectations a long time ago. It’s a lesson you can’t unlearn.

The oxycodone they’re giving me for pain is giving me the most terrible dry mouth it’s difficult to describe how intense it is. It’s like my throat is full of sticky sap and the minute my mouth is dry for longer than a few minutes I feel like I’m going to choke so there has been a lot of sucking on ice cubes and drinking of sports drinks to prevent me from drinking too much water and thus having a negative impact on my sodium which can lead to more risk for seizures which nobody wants. Even though I’m on medication for seizures now we still need to be smart about avoiding risks that are obvious and avoidable so managing water consumption is an obvious step to take. We all know how easy this is for a girl who has medication induced dry mouth and an addiction to good old basic water that has been proven.

Add to these healing challenges the stress that comes from losing access to her one bank account where all funds are directed and it’s a perfect storm of mess. Because of this bank account nightmare I have to leave the house tomorrow to go to a physical appointment at the Social Security office to redirect my funds to a new bank account. It’s difficult to express how much I hate leaving my house to do anything but leaving to deal with a banking disaster has to be up there with the worst reasons for leaving. That adventure outside happens tomorrow, Friday, and then there’s the appointment with the surgeon on Monday and my nerves all light up on high alert. Now that I’m home I just want to be at home and leave the outside living for all of the normal healthy people of the world. That’s not me and I’m 100% ok with that.

Home is where my heart is and where I want to stay now that I’m finally home. I guess that’s too much to ask of the disability gods. Damn them. It’s the bright and the dark battling it out for who gets to be in first place now that I’m home and sometimes it’s hard to not allow the dark to win but I’m determined to keep trying to keep the light in the game. Wish me luck.